Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
