Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
