Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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