So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
