and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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