i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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