I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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