apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
