I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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