I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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