with your own penis?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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