Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
