I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When are your genitals available?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
