I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
