Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
