I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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