god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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