I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
