Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
