i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
