I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
