im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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