at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
