I can tuck mytits in my pants
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i barfeds in our rink
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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