11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
