one word: firstdatebathroomanal
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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