I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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