Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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