He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
