You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
