at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
