Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
