my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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