ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
