FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
