Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
