Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
