I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
