If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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