I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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