so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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