someone owes me an orgasm
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
