I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
