hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
