I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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