And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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