your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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