"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
