My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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