I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
