There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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