i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
