we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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