my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im holly from the hills drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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