So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
